8 Mental Health Impacts of Caring for Children with FASD — and What Helps
By Anna Webster & Rebecca Govan
It’s World Mental Health Day — and it’s time we recognised the hidden, often traumatic, impact on the mental health of those caring for children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).
1) The Hidden Struggle
FASD may actually be more common than autism, yet it remains largely hidden, misdiagnosed, stigmatised, and too often denied. Caregivers are left feeling isolated — like they’re the only ones living through extreme experiences.
Many also carry a heavy sense of shame, feeling as though it’s somehow their fault. When professionals don’t understand FASD, their responses can deepen that blame rather than relieve it.
2) Living in a Constant State of Alert
Because FASD affects brain connectivity, children and young people often have what’s called a spiky profile — their abilities and regulation can swing dramatically. A child may go from calm to raging in seconds, then back again.
This unpredictability can leave caregivers feeling constantly on edge — unsafe, hypervigilant, in constant fight, flight, freeze and emotionally exhausted.
3) When the World Doesn’t See What You See
Children with FASD may mask or “split,” showing very different sides of themselves in different environments. Often, the most extreme behaviours happen with caregivers and this can make them feel unseen, blamed or disbelieved.
Hearing comments like “They’re fine for me” or “All kids do that” can be invalidating. In some cases, caregivers have even been reported to authorities when others misinterpret what they’re seeing.
4) An Unrelenting Demand
Because of difficulties with attention, self-regulation, and sense of self, many children with FASD need near-constant supervision, attention and input. When extreme demand avoidance is part of the picture, even simple routines — brushing teeth, getting dressed — can feel like climbing Everest backwards without ropes. Caregivers can lose their sense of self and feel utterly depleted. It can feel relentless — like there’s no space to rest or breathe.
5) Traumatic stress
When Child to parent violence and aggression is an issue this can cause distress, lack of safety and trauma for caregivers. There can also be a high need for children and young people to control others and their environment which can mean caregivers lose their sense of autonomy.
6) Energy draining
The faulty prediction function and high levels of anxiety in FASD means caregivers can hear lots of repetition of the same phrase or noises when their child is trying to feel safer and figure out what’s happening next. This, alongside complex sensory profiles with associated needs and intense hyperactivity can be draining and exhausting.
7) The Toll of Anxiety and Sleep Loss
FASD is often linked with high anxiety and sensory overload. Children may repeat words or sounds to calm themselves or make sense of what’s happening — which can be exhausting to live with day after day.
And when sleep difficulties are added to the mix, caregivers can become chronically sleep deprived, compounding the emotional and physical strain.
8) Losing Yourself
The extreme, challenging and disconnecting needs of FASD can mean caregivers feel consumed and taken over by the needs of children and young people and lose sight of having their own needs, never mind how to meet them. There can also be loss of work, finances and connection with self, friends and family that means caregivers feel like they’re being taken over and losing themselves.
So what helps?
At Neurowise, we support FASD caregivers who are too often left to cope alone behind closed doors. Our therapeutic groups, one-to-one coaching, and training programmes help people realise they’re not alone — and that none of this is their fault.
Shame and blame is reduced through an integrative, brain-based model that builds on trauma and attachment frameworks but recognises the unique ways in which pre-birth factors and brain differences can shape attachment, relationships, feelings, and needs.
We also help caregivers put their own oxygen mask on first. Using a parallel-track approach, we support caregivers to meet their own needs while developing practical strategies that foster understanding, connection, and real-life change for their children and families.